It's 5:10am. Happy 4th of July. I'm sure I've written a post about this before but this holiday always has a downside for me.
On this day 31 years ago mom took a turn for the worse. She slipped into a coma and never came out. Slowly her body started to shut down. The hospice nurse told us everything that was going to happen to her such as her kidneys shutting down, she started having the labored breathing etc. I remember so vividly all of her siblings coming over to say goodbye. Each one leaving her room in tears, knowing that was the last time they would see her alive.
On July 6th, 1981 we lost our beautiful mother. I remember wondering what I was going to do without her. How could my life go on without her to call, go shopping with, go to lunch with etc. ?
I know I was robbed of her at such a young age and so were my children.
So on this 4th I'm working a 12 hour shift with no other holiday plans. I will miss having our kids over or going to the Stadium of Fire and feel bad that Rog is by his self. But it is what it is.
I'm so thankful for our freedoms in this beautiful country. I'm thankful for our men and women who serve us by protecting us.
Happy 4th of July.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Tapping One Tap At A Time
I wanted to take a picture of my tap shoes. And show that they really do get used. I took up tap one year ago this month and I haven't looked back. I've found something that I really enjoy doing. There are many days when I've come home from a 12 hour work day and I'm so darned tired. I'll lay on the sofa and wish I could just veg. there the rest of the night. But then I drag myself off and grab my tap shoes and off I go to my class. We laugh and laugh so hard at some of the things we say and do that after it's all said and done I'm so glad that I went. We've learned so much this past year and I'm loving it. 
I took tap when I was a young girl. Maybe 10 or so. I even remember the name of the song we did a dance to. "We don't like boys, they always pull our hair". I remember the outfits we wore etc. I never picked up another pair of tap shoes until last summer when I got a flyer on my doorstep about a lady that's starting to give tap lessons. I knew the instant I saw that that I wanted to take. So I got my best friend Lora and my daughterinlaw Kristi to take with me and we've had so much fun. It's only $25.00 a month for a 1 hour lesson each week. The time goes by so fast when you're having fun. 
We had our tap recital on June 2nd, 2012 at the Pleasant Grove Jr. High School. We did 3 dances. One to Jailhouse Rock, Sams Song and another short dance with the other classes. I had some family members come. Rog, Kayleen, Kay, Cyndee, Presley, Jared and the girls. I'm so excited to continue to learn more and more and get better and better. Who would have thought I'd be tap dancing at my age which is 53 this month.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
2012 Race for A Cure Susan G Komen Race
This year meant more to me than any other years that we've participated in this 5k race. The reason being is we had more people participating than we usually have. I was so proud to have Jared and Kristi join us. I know mom would be so proud to see her grandson and his wife running in her honor. As it turned out Jared didn't know he had a broken foot and ended up not being able to run because of all the pain he had. But he did walk 3.2 miles on it. He ended up going to the emergency room afterwards and had it xrayed and that was the result. He's one tough cookie that's for sure.
Here is Jared and Cyndee walking with their signs on their back. A picture of mom when she was so alive and vibrant. I couldn't be prouder to know she was with us in spririt.
Here is Cyndee, Joe, Kay and Kristi. Kay never exercises but the week before the race he had started to walk and had gotten up to 2 miles. He got him some walking shoes and had a desire to join us. How awesome is that for a 72 year old man. What a good sport he was.
It's so fun to dress up in our pink. I found this tutu in the grandkids dress up clothes and decided I'd put it on my head. What the heck...it fit the cause. I'm so grateful for Roger who year after year has supported us by walking along even though his health isn't always the best.
Would you believe Adam flew in from Chicago to join us? Another of moms grandsons. I'm sure she was smiling down from heaven. He ran the race and was so looking forward to running with Jared.
I also found this boa in the kids dress ups so Jared wanted to wear it. I bought pink headbands for us too. Jared's lost like 20 lbs. and has been running for several months now. That's how he fractured his foot I guess. He has a stress fracture in it.
Here's our whole gang. Karen Cordner, moms friends daughter, Roger, Jared, Kristi, Kayleen, Adam, Joe, Cyndee, me and two of Kayleens friends from her ward. All for finding a cure for breast cancer and in memory of Donnette Lee.
Rog, Kristi, Kay and Cyndee before the race.
Like I said before, I"m so proud that Jared and Kristi took time out of their busy schedule to come and do this with us. I've wanted my kids to join us on the other years so this was extra special. 
Oh boy, quite the getup but fun to be a part of this great cause. I love the shirts Kayleen bought us sisters for our birthdays last year. It says "My Mom Was So Brave, God Made Her An Angel" And how true is that? Here's to many more years of walking and running in this race. God bless you mom. We love and miss you.
Presley turns 3
It's hard to believe this beautiful young lady is now officially 3 years old. 
She loved the presents she got from Grandma and Papa. We got her the cutest apron that says "Little Drama Queen". We also got her some clothes for summer, a purse with lipsticks and barretts in it, and we took her to Color Me Mine. A place where she got to paint her own pottery pieces. 
Grandma loves her sweetheart so much. She's got such beautiful hair, she talks up a storm, she loves animals, and her dollies.
After we went there we all went to lunch and had pizza. It sure was fun getting to celebrate her birthday even though it was a few days early. What a beautiful young lady she is. I can't wait for her to want to sleep over with us. Right now she thinks her mama and daddy would be sad and so she can't leave them. Happy 3rd Birthday Presley!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
2nd Article for Freedom Home Health
Diary of A Diabetic's Wife: Caregiving
Over the years of seeing Roger live with diabetes has brought about many feelings from my point of view. One is being the caregiver.
Years ago I didn't think as much about it but now that we're older and I'm seeing the difference in his health I worry about what the future holds. Is he going to live to a ripe old age without all the complications of diabetes? Is he going to drop dead from a low blood sugar reaction and me not being there to help him? Is he going to go blind? Is he going to have to be on dialysis? Am I going to be a widow at a young age? Are we going to be able to do the things we always dreamed of doing in our retirement?
When we were young and still having children I had always wanted 4 but the thought continually came to my mind that I didn't want to be left a widow with 4 children if something happened to Roger. So we decided 3 kids was a good number. These types of thoughts plus many more are what goes through the mind of a spouse with diabetes. Are they normal? I'd say yes. I've talked with other spouses who have told me the same things. The worry never ends.
I guess we just take one day at a time. Nobody knows what God has in store for us. All we can do is have faith that all will be well.
How do I deal with these feelings? These thoughts? Well, first of all pray. I pray for patience, understanding, love. I want to be sympathetic to all his ailments.
Over the years, I learned how to draw up his insulin when he used to have shots. I've learned what I need to do in an emergency with low blood sugars, I've learned the signs of his low blood sugars such as confusion, personality change, his nausea, etc. The only thing I haven't taken the time to learn is his insulin pump. I know it's something I need to learn how to use since I'm his caregiver.
Needless to say, I am glad I've been blessed with a husband who sincerely cares about his health and does everything he can to try to be healthy. I know he worries what the future holds for him but he's doing everything in his power to prolong the inevitable.
Posted by Gena Bertelsen at 6:57 AM Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook
Over the years of seeing Roger live with diabetes has brought about many feelings from my point of view. One is being the caregiver.
Years ago I didn't think as much about it but now that we're older and I'm seeing the difference in his health I worry about what the future holds. Is he going to live to a ripe old age without all the complications of diabetes? Is he going to drop dead from a low blood sugar reaction and me not being there to help him? Is he going to go blind? Is he going to have to be on dialysis? Am I going to be a widow at a young age? Are we going to be able to do the things we always dreamed of doing in our retirement?
When we were young and still having children I had always wanted 4 but the thought continually came to my mind that I didn't want to be left a widow with 4 children if something happened to Roger. So we decided 3 kids was a good number. These types of thoughts plus many more are what goes through the mind of a spouse with diabetes. Are they normal? I'd say yes. I've talked with other spouses who have told me the same things. The worry never ends.
I guess we just take one day at a time. Nobody knows what God has in store for us. All we can do is have faith that all will be well.
How do I deal with these feelings? These thoughts? Well, first of all pray. I pray for patience, understanding, love. I want to be sympathetic to all his ailments.
Over the years, I learned how to draw up his insulin when he used to have shots. I've learned what I need to do in an emergency with low blood sugars, I've learned the signs of his low blood sugars such as confusion, personality change, his nausea, etc. The only thing I haven't taken the time to learn is his insulin pump. I know it's something I need to learn how to use since I'm his caregiver.
Needless to say, I am glad I've been blessed with a husband who sincerely cares about his health and does everything he can to try to be healthy. I know he worries what the future holds for him but he's doing everything in his power to prolong the inevitable.
Posted by Gena Bertelsen at 6:57 AM Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook
Writing Entries For Gena's Freedom Health Blog
My niece Gena Berteleson has asked me to do some articles on her Freedom Home Health blog site relating to being the spouse of a diabetic. I hesitated at first because first of all I'm not a writer of any kind and also I have a terrible memory about remembering things but I'm going to try. When I write an article I'll try to remember to post them to my own blog. On her blog she has a picture of Roger and I but I'm at work writing this blog so I don't have access to one. Keep in mind these thoughts are only mine and not any one elses.
Diary Of A Diabetics Wife...By Chris Pyne
This is the first entry into our new bi-weekly feature by Chris Pyne. Please visit her support group at Diabetes Support Group for Spouses for ongoing dialogue and support.
Roger and I were married 34 years ago. I met my sweetheart when I was 15 years old and I was married to him at the age of 18. I remember when I met him, someone had told me he was a diabetic and so I asked him if he was and he said "no, that's my brother." Basically, he was in denial. He was diagnosed at the age of 9 with the disease. All I knew about diabetes at that point was that he had one shot a day.
Shortly after we were married I had a very rude awakening to the life of being a spouse of a diabetic. He had come home from work one day and told me how hungry he was. Well, not knowing the significance of his disease, I told him that I would get him something to eat in a little bit. In the meantime he was in the kitchen trying to find something to eat but was having an insulin reaction where his blood sugar bottomed out. Next thing I knew he was on the floor having a seizure. Thus, began my life now with my diabetic husband.
After that experience my life changed. The sleepless nights of awakening every time Roger would wake up to check his blood sugars, worrying every time we went someplace when we hadn't come prepared for an emergency, the continual doctor appointments such as his family doctor, kidney doctor, diabetic doctor, cardiologist etc., worrying that my children would become diabetic, when he would become ill with the flu. It never ended. Diabetes ran our lives.
During our 34 years of marriage I've had to call the paramedics multiple times. He's been hospitalized many times for diabetes related problems. I remember one incident where he had accidentally given himself the wrong insulin. He was in a panic and I went into panic mode with him. I had to help him counteract his insulin mistake by making him eat and eat lots of carbohydrates. He would get so sick of all the food that he would almost vomit it up. Thus, another trip to the emergency room.
Many times, I've been awakened out of a dead sleep with a feeling that something was wrong. Roger wouldn't be beside me in bed so I would go find him and he'd be having an insulin reaction where if I hadn't of gotten up he would have had a seizure. My adrenaline would go from this dead sleep to a rush of panic within seconds. I would get physically sick after the incident was all over. Each time this happened I was so grateful that I had been inspired to wake up and be able to help him.
About 5 years ago Roger got on an insulin pump which has helped him a lot. I've been so proud of him for the way he has done his best to be healthy. His doctors have called him their model patient because he cares so much about trying to keep his diabetes in control. In spite of taking care of his self, the disease takes control and begins to wreak havoc on the body. I've been his support through many, many surgeries. Being the worst was watching him go through open heart surgery at the age of 53. Then 6 months later, back surgery.
Many times I've wished for someone who I could talk to that could relate to what it's like being the spouse. Someone to share experiences with . I wouldn't trade any of it though because I love my sweetheart and I'm so grateful I can be here to help him. He is my rock and my hero.
Posted by Gena Bertelsen at 6:00 AM Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook2 comments:
ScubadiverApril 27, 2012 8:19 AM
Chris you are amazing.. Wow!
ReplyDelete
DebbieApril 27, 2012 11:29 PM
Chris,
I had no idea you 2 have been through so much with this awful diseas;Roger has always looked like the picture of health! I knew he was a diabetic, but never realized what life is like for them and their spouses. Bless your hearts, as our mom's would say!
I'm constantly reminding Dix that he needs to eat better and exercise more, as we are both borderline, but maybe I need to read him this blog and let him hear for himself. Thanks for your willingness to share. Love you Cuz! Debbie
ReplyDelete
Diary Of A Diabetics Wife...By Chris Pyne
This is the first entry into our new bi-weekly feature by Chris Pyne. Please visit her support group at Diabetes Support Group for Spouses for ongoing dialogue and support.
Roger and I were married 34 years ago. I met my sweetheart when I was 15 years old and I was married to him at the age of 18. I remember when I met him, someone had told me he was a diabetic and so I asked him if he was and he said "no, that's my brother." Basically, he was in denial. He was diagnosed at the age of 9 with the disease. All I knew about diabetes at that point was that he had one shot a day.
Shortly after we were married I had a very rude awakening to the life of being a spouse of a diabetic. He had come home from work one day and told me how hungry he was. Well, not knowing the significance of his disease, I told him that I would get him something to eat in a little bit. In the meantime he was in the kitchen trying to find something to eat but was having an insulin reaction where his blood sugar bottomed out. Next thing I knew he was on the floor having a seizure. Thus, began my life now with my diabetic husband.
After that experience my life changed. The sleepless nights of awakening every time Roger would wake up to check his blood sugars, worrying every time we went someplace when we hadn't come prepared for an emergency, the continual doctor appointments such as his family doctor, kidney doctor, diabetic doctor, cardiologist etc., worrying that my children would become diabetic, when he would become ill with the flu. It never ended. Diabetes ran our lives.
During our 34 years of marriage I've had to call the paramedics multiple times. He's been hospitalized many times for diabetes related problems. I remember one incident where he had accidentally given himself the wrong insulin. He was in a panic and I went into panic mode with him. I had to help him counteract his insulin mistake by making him eat and eat lots of carbohydrates. He would get so sick of all the food that he would almost vomit it up. Thus, another trip to the emergency room.
Many times, I've been awakened out of a dead sleep with a feeling that something was wrong. Roger wouldn't be beside me in bed so I would go find him and he'd be having an insulin reaction where if I hadn't of gotten up he would have had a seizure. My adrenaline would go from this dead sleep to a rush of panic within seconds. I would get physically sick after the incident was all over. Each time this happened I was so grateful that I had been inspired to wake up and be able to help him.
About 5 years ago Roger got on an insulin pump which has helped him a lot. I've been so proud of him for the way he has done his best to be healthy. His doctors have called him their model patient because he cares so much about trying to keep his diabetes in control. In spite of taking care of his self, the disease takes control and begins to wreak havoc on the body. I've been his support through many, many surgeries. Being the worst was watching him go through open heart surgery at the age of 53. Then 6 months later, back surgery.
Many times I've wished for someone who I could talk to that could relate to what it's like being the spouse. Someone to share experiences with . I wouldn't trade any of it though because I love my sweetheart and I'm so grateful I can be here to help him. He is my rock and my hero.
Posted by Gena Bertelsen at 6:00 AM Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook2 comments:
ScubadiverApril 27, 2012 8:19 AM
Chris you are amazing.. Wow!
ReplyDelete
DebbieApril 27, 2012 11:29 PM
Chris,
I had no idea you 2 have been through so much with this awful diseas;Roger has always looked like the picture of health! I knew he was a diabetic, but never realized what life is like for them and their spouses. Bless your hearts, as our mom's would say!
I'm constantly reminding Dix that he needs to eat better and exercise more, as we are both borderline, but maybe I need to read him this blog and let him hear for himself. Thanks for your willingness to share. Love you Cuz! Debbie
ReplyDelete
Stressful Week
Geez, here it is another week before Mothers Day. My emotions are on a roller coaster. It seems like this week will never get better. Year after year it's the same thing. I'm glad my family understands.
Maybe it also has to do with the fact that we're all walking in the Susan G. Komen race for the cure the day before mothers day. We walk in moms honor and her spirit is truly with us the whole time. I feel her everywhere that day. I know she would be so proud.
This past week I've been feeling like such a failure at being a mom. I find myself thinking of so many things I wish I would have done or not done. Feelings that just gnaw at me day in and day out. Sometimes I"m reminded by my children of the way I am and to them it's not good. So it just sets me back another step in the way I feel about myself. It's quite a shame when you can't ask your kids if they had a good week without a response of "why do you ask me that all the time?" Quite a shame..oh well. I've been told before to mind my own business. Guess I never learn. I'm reminded about my bad memory too. I'm on medication that has a side effect of memory loss and I have to remind my kids to have patience with me.
I'm dealing with Rogers health issues, changes in my work schedule again, the IRS saying we owe them more money. Seems like it never ends. I think I just bottle it all up and try so hard not to let it all bother me but inside it is. I worry so much about Roger. I pray so hard for him each day that he'll be able to handle the cards he's been dealt in this life. I worry that I'll die before him and he won't have anyone to take care of him.Then I worry about him dying before me and me being alone. He does so much for me and I don't know what I would do without him. He's quite the handyman around our house, he's the gardener, laundry man, car fixer etc.
I pray that Heavenly Father will always be aware of our needs and bless me with the things that I really do stand in need of. I've turned to him so much lately that I'm sure he's sick of hearing from me. But I'll just trudge on with these feelings and hope that next week is a better week.
Maybe it also has to do with the fact that we're all walking in the Susan G. Komen race for the cure the day before mothers day. We walk in moms honor and her spirit is truly with us the whole time. I feel her everywhere that day. I know she would be so proud.
This past week I've been feeling like such a failure at being a mom. I find myself thinking of so many things I wish I would have done or not done. Feelings that just gnaw at me day in and day out. Sometimes I"m reminded by my children of the way I am and to them it's not good. So it just sets me back another step in the way I feel about myself. It's quite a shame when you can't ask your kids if they had a good week without a response of "why do you ask me that all the time?" Quite a shame..oh well. I've been told before to mind my own business. Guess I never learn. I'm reminded about my bad memory too. I'm on medication that has a side effect of memory loss and I have to remind my kids to have patience with me.
I'm dealing with Rogers health issues, changes in my work schedule again, the IRS saying we owe them more money. Seems like it never ends. I think I just bottle it all up and try so hard not to let it all bother me but inside it is. I worry so much about Roger. I pray so hard for him each day that he'll be able to handle the cards he's been dealt in this life. I worry that I'll die before him and he won't have anyone to take care of him.Then I worry about him dying before me and me being alone. He does so much for me and I don't know what I would do without him. He's quite the handyman around our house, he's the gardener, laundry man, car fixer etc.
I pray that Heavenly Father will always be aware of our needs and bless me with the things that I really do stand in need of. I've turned to him so much lately that I'm sure he's sick of hearing from me. But I'll just trudge on with these feelings and hope that next week is a better week.
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