The Big 5-0

Ok... so it's hard to admit I'm 50 now. I've had a really hard time accepting that fact. And it didn't help by having to turn 50 on a rainy, gloomy day either. But here I am. The day started out by Shana and her family and Troy and his family giving me a European Facial at a day spa. So Shana and I both went that morning and spent an hour having our faces massaged with wonderful cleaners, scrubs and moisturizers and a mask. Oh that felt so good. She also rubbed my feet with lotions while the masked dried. I will for sure be going back to that place!! Then all the kids and grandkids came over for a fun barbeque. We had to hurry though because it was starting to rain. While I was sitting there eating Shana brought out a bunch of papers and handed them to me. She said that she had had people email her thoughts, memories etc. about me. Well, I immediatley started to cry. I couldn't even start to read them for a few minutes. But I got through them with lots of tears and lots of laughter. That was the best gift of all!! She's going to make them into a book for me. I opened gifts and we were going to go to the Strawberry Days Rodeo but it rained and poured down like no other. Daxton was going to do the mutton busting but we ended up not going. We were heart broken but hope to have him in another rodeo soon. So we ended up going downstairs and the grandkids put on a dancing show. Hip hop, country swing etc. We were laughing so hard. That was a highlight of the day too. They always make me laugh!! I just want to say a big thank you to my hubby, and all my children and grandkids for making this transition day such a fun one for me. I was really not looking forward to it but it ended up being a such a fun day. I love you all so much.

I finally have all 7 of my grandkids with me. I'm so proud of them and I love being their grandma. We almost don't fit on the sofa anymore. They're growing so big and so adorable and I love them more than they will ever know.

Here's the "old fart" Wrinkles and all. Everyone keeps telling me it's not as bad as it sounds. So we'll see..

I hope what I wished for comes true!!!

Wow!! Hard to believe that really says 50!! But it does.

I had mentioned several times to Roger that I would love to have an ice-cream maker so that's what he got me. I can't wait to taste it!! I made some today for fathers day.

Shana was giving me pages and pages of comments that people had emailed her about me. Of course, being a ball baby I started crying as soon as she gave them to me. I hadn't even started reading them yet. We were all together for a barbeque before the rain started. We had hamburgers, bratwurst, steaks, hotdogs, yummy salads, and chips.

Why?

My heart is so heavy tonight. Have you ever been angry at God? Have you ever wanted to scream out your frustrations so loud that he could hear you? I know in the scriptures it tells us that he won't give you any trial or trials that you can't handle. But... there has to be a limit!!
As I watch each day, my beautiful daughter and her wonderful husband, struggle to get enough sleep, struggle to function each day, I see him nauseated from his chemo, sleeping the day away because of the affects of it, vomiting, and Shana by his side. I can't stop asking myself when is this going to stop? They shouldn't have to be dealing with such heavy burdens and decisions at their age. They should be having the time of their lives raising their children, happy, traveling, and just trying to live a normal, common day life. But instead they are dealing with cancer. I HATE it!!! As a parent I can't stand to see them day in and day out trying to be happy, putting on smiles when I know they are hurting inside but just can't say it. I have never seen two people so positive, so uplifting, so upbeat, never complaining about their life. For that, God needs to be on their side and get them through this nightmare.
Tonight after Priesthood blessings were given to them, Roger and I sat outside on our swing. No words were spoken as we sat there and cried. Our hearts ache as we see Shana and Jakes love for one another. What an example they are to me.
I want them to know how much I love them. How I wish I could take this all away. If we could wake up tomorrow and have it all be over that would be my dream. I pray to God that in the next couple of weeks when Jake has his PET scan that the chemotherapy will be destroying all the cancer in his body once and for all!! I pray he won't have to go through a bone marrow transplant. If there is a God I pray this prayer will be answered. I know there are hundreds of people of all different faiths praying for this same prayer as mine. So..that said..please continue to pray in his behalf. For him and for Shana as they are both affected by this disease.